Dear Women,
Sorry for the day late on this, busy, busy, busy….I’ve heard, on more than one occasion in this last week of women struggling with “settling” versus “Settling down” and being “Alone” vs. being “Lonely”. For the first one, I can certainly understand the sentiment. Being a Hopeless Romantic the thought of settling down with someone is amazing. The problem with that is when you’re settling with someone, to settle down with them. You shouldn’t have to do this, and it’s very inadvisable to do so. Here’s why: At some point, those things you’re “settling with” are going to come back and make you second guess your decisions. And that’s not fair to both you and to the person you’re dating. I never really believed this (until it happened) but it’s true: You’ll KNOW when it’s “real”. You’ll feel it. It was described to me (thanks Mom) as “the Uh-Oh’s”. To which I was like… WTF DOES THAT MEAN!? But you’ll know when you feel it. The “butterflies” that don’t go away, or that feeling of just inner peace. You won’t have questions about the person you want to date, or whether you want to be in a relationship. The only thing you’ll question is if you, yourself, are going crazy! And someone that loves you will remind you that, “No, you’re not crazy, this is what it’s supposed to feel like…” You will truly know, and if you don’t think you will, it’s only because you haven’t felt it yet. Trust me, you’re hearing this from a recently converted non-believer. Wait for it, you’re worth it. Your future is worth it. Love , is worth it. Now the reason this is difficult for some people is the misunderstanding between being “Alone” and being “Lonely”. This has always been very interesting (and by interesting I mean a struggle) to me. It’s not bad to be Alone, it’s sad to be Lonely though! It was always suggested to me that being alone is actually a good thing. Figure yourself out, learn who you really are, what you really like and you’ll be more ready to get into a relationship with someone else when the time/person is right. As I’ve said in the past, you can’t date someone else if you don’t know yourself… It just can’t work. But being Lonely is tough. Just remember, you can also be lonely IN a relationship! And it’s okay to get spats of loneliness when you’re not dating or you just ended a relationship. I get it, I know how that feels. But revel in the time you get alone to be yourself by yourself. They will be short-lived in the grandiose schema of your existence. You’ll find someone, you’ll settle down, have a family, etc. etc. 20 years from now, all you’ll want for yourself is a day to just be alone and do your own thing. Don’t waste those days now waiting for that time. Great example: Remember as a kid how much you absolutely hated nap-time and sleeping-in, in general? Need I say more? Loneliness is similar. Be alone. Be comfortable with yourself. Know yourself. Enjoy yourself. And then, it’ll be easy for someone else to do so also. You’ll be ready. So don’t settle, and most importantly don’t settle because you’re lonely. It’s okay to be by yourself, you’ll KNOW when it’s right/meant to be. Trust me. You’ll really, really know. You’re worth the “Real-Deal” don’t sell yourself short or settle for less. And as always; Much Love, Smile on.
Sincerely,
Hopeless Romantics
Wax Poetic 