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Dear Women,

Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving, sorry I didn’t get this out last week but let’s use this time to truly give thanks, for all that we have, all that we are, and all that we can give back to those around us. I’ve noticed a trending issue with several people in my life that is slightly concerning, for their own well-being, associations and paradigms. I’m noticing an increasing trend and issue with people leaning towards making assumptions. And not making assumptions for themselves, but assumptions regarding others’ actions. It would be one thing if this assumption was just a thought, but to infer conclusions and react in accordance with those inferences is a dangerous other thing. Everyone makes assumptions; “Are they busy? Are they seeing someone else? Are they lying? What could they be lying about?” etc… Assumptions arrive from a resulting causality related to lack of trust and lack of (or inefficient) communication. Everyone makes assumptions and I understand that, it’s natural, but to act as though those assumptions are fact is never a good idea. It is important to first self-identify in these situations, then self diagnose and finally, act with accordance. First, realize that what you’re thinking is an assumption. It is not fact, and is no more or less likely than the infinite list of other assumptions you could be making in the same situation. Second, it’s important to diagnose the assumption and identify, not the fact that you have this assumption (often justified as being a belief, thought, worry, concern or fear), but more importantly, why do you have this assumption? What caused you to make this assumption? This tends to be more of a problem early on in a relationship, or in a relationship that has had trust/lying/infidelity issues in the past. You naturally let your mind drift to the worst case scenario. Know that this is the case before moving forward!!! Then, as oppose to acting on this assumption, ask questions. BE CAREFUL WITH THIS!!!! Most people reading this are saying to themselves, “That’s exactly what I do!” But ask yourself, are you really asking questions because you’re curious, or are you asking questions because you’re basically accusing this person of something or trying to catch them in a lie or other predicament? Be careful to ask these questions, not with your assumptions on the forefront of your mind, but simply because you’ve recognized that you are feeling assumptive, and don’t want to make decisions based on assumptions. You are intelligent, well thought-out and a rational human being (please don’t prove me wrong on this one, you are, trust me. Or at least you can be.) Rational and intelligent human beings base their decisions on fact, not emotion. This is a smart way to operate, particularly in a relationship. Ask questions to gather facts and do so with an open mind, and more importantly, an open ear. The biggest down-side that people have in these issues is they’re waiting to catch someone in a lie, which means that when something doesn’t add up right away, they jump all over it. You then are in fact not really listening, but waiting to speak. Ask a question, listen to the answer, process their response, and then respond accordingly. Again, not out of emotion, but out of logic and the facts. As the honorable Mr. Eugene Lewis Fordsworthe stated; “Assumption is the mother of all mistakes.” (Later revitalized by Travis Dane in Under Siege 2 with his famous: “Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups” line). And when you assume you make an “Ass” out of “U” and “Me”. Bottom line; don’t do it. Assumptions are reserved for the weak of mind, weak of heart and illogical amongst the masses. That is not you. You’re better than that, and in reverse, you deserve better than that. Stay beautiful and amazing. And as always; Much Love, Smile On.

Sincerely,
Hopeless Romantics

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